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Rhinocratic Oaths
The following appears as-found on the
Internet, in its unedited, uncorrected form, with some editorial
notes. It is included here for both reference to {this} article and as
tribute to its author, a Circulogian Emeritus.Rhinocratic OathsAfter his second wife passed away, Percy Rawlinson seemed to spend more and
more time with his Alsatian owl. His friends told him "You should get
out more, Percy, or you'll wind up looking like a dog, ha ha." He was
later arrested near a lamp post. At his trial some months later he
surprised everyone by mistaking a policeman for a postman and tearing
his trousers off with his bare teeth. In his defence he told the court
"It's hard to tell the difference when they take their hats off."Mrs Betty Pench was playing the trombone when she heard a knock on the
door. "I wonder who that is at eleven o'clock in the morning" she
thought, but cautiously opened the door and instead of the turbaned
ruffian she had expected, she found a very nice young man. "Mrs. Pench,
you've won the car contest, would you like a Triumph Spitfire or 3000
in cash?" He smiled.Mrs. Pench took the money. "What will
you do with it all? Not that it's any of my business," he giggled. "I
think I'll become an alcoholic," said Betty.With a geranium behind each ear and his face painted with gay
cavalistic (cabalistic -editor) symbols, six foot eight seventeen stone
police sergeant Geoff Bull looked jolly convincing as he sweated and
grunted through a vigorous triscutine at the Fraga Gogo Viachella. His
hot surge (serge -editor) trousers flapped wildly over his enormous
plastic sandals as he jumped and jumped and gyrated towards a
long-haired man. "Uh, excuse me, ma'am, I have reason to believe you
can turn me on." He leered suggestively. As if by magic dozens of
truncheons appeared and they mercilessly thrashed him.Poor Geoff, what a turnout for the books.Much as he hated arguments or any kind of unpleasantness, Ron Shir
thought things had gone too far when, returning from a weekend in
Clapton (Clapham? editor), he found that his neighbor had trimmed the
enormous hedge dividing their gardens into the shape of a human leg.
Enraged and envious beyond belief, Ron seized his garden shears and
clipped his white poodle Leo into a coffee table. "That'll fix it,"
thought Ron, but he was wrong. The following Wednesday his neighbor had
his bushy waist-length hair cut and permed into a model of the Queen
Elizabeth and went sailing. Everywhere he went, people said "Hooray!"Sometimes you just can't win.--Vivian StanshallSubmitted by Ed on Fri, 03/28/2008 - 05:23